


Insecurities

by just_plain_fanfics



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining Idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-10-31 22:45:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10909002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_plain_fanfics/pseuds/just_plain_fanfics
Summary: Lance is feeling useless and is trying to ignore his feelings for Keith. Lance tries to escape his thoughts but ends up with a boyfriend.





	Insecurities

**Author's Note:**

> It's just really fluffy

Another mission, another day gone by, Lance thinks to himself. He hears the celebratory cheers from the others and quickly puts a smile back on his face.

“Good work Paladins! Especially you Pidge, your intellect was extremely helpful on this mission.” Allura’s praise made Pidge stand up straighter, prouder. Shiro clasped Hunk on the shoulder. 

“You were great too, Hunk. Brute force is a surefire way to strengthen the team.” Hunk blushed at the compliment and hurried to get the attention away from him.

“It was mostly Keith, you know. Without that quick maneuvering I would’ve been hit.” The group dispersed after that, each to go wind down their own way. Lance made his way quickly back to his room and collapsed on his bed, both mentally and physically exhausted. As stupid as he thought it was, he was jealous of the praise he never seemed to get. 

They do deserve it more than me, though, he thinks quietly. He rings his hands willing himself not to cry, because real men don’t cry right? It was at this moment there was a quick rap at the door and then it swung open, revealing Keith standing there awkwardly. 

“What’s the point of knocking if you aren’t going to bother waiting for an answer.” He asked coldly, trying to keep a nonchalant look on his face so he wouldn’t show the tears he was still holding back. Keith saw through it. 

“Uh, you okay? Your face kinda looks red.” He asks, and Lance thinks he almost heard worry in it. Bullshit, he told himself. 

“Yeah, just fine. Now, why did you come here?” 

“Oh! Oh yeah, I was supposed to tel you it’s time for dinner.” 

“Okay, I’ll be down in a moment.” Keith awkwardly shuffled out the door and down the hall. Lance sighed, and pushing himself upright, he left the room to join he others. 

Fake smiles were natural at this point. He’d always been good at them, it was helpful to know how with a family as huge as his. There had been many times where he had to hide whatever anxiety he had about an upcoming event in order to please his parents and act cool in front of his siblings. It was second nature now, to see someone he knew and pop on a smile acting like nothing was wrong, acting as if the worries he had moments before just vanished. A relaxed face was the go-to thing when he was thinking, nothing to sad nothing to happy, just neutral. It was standard, and no one ever questioned it. Well, there had been some close calls on the past, but nothing a quick excuse couldn’t fix. A stomachs ache or headache was a good excuse, or that he was thinking about the homework he was supposed to turn in today. In a big family like his, there was hardly any time you were alone, so he was quite good at not crying, too. All these things came together to help keep his act up in space. But all that pressure adds up, And some thing would eventually have to give. 

Dinner was an easy feat, quietly munching away on space goop, and joining into conversations where he could. Adding puns to keep up his reputation, smiling as much as he could. There had even been some opportunities to drop an innuendo, causing everyone to sigh and cover their face. And every time they laughed at him, Lance died inside a bit. He knew they weren’t laughing at him, they would never do that, but he still hated it. Was that all he was good for? Comic relief? All he could do was make people laugh, He was never really an asset to the team was he? Hell, he could probably die and they would just find a replacement. He decided to think about this later instead of now, focusing of the plain tasting gloop in front of him. He sat idly by, watching the others partake in a ‘Butterfly Vs. Caterpillar’ debate. Well, the others except Keith, who sat in silence with a concentrated look on his face. It was usual for Keith, and Lance just glowered, secretly wishing that he too was relieved of the small talk. 

Lance sighed, settling back into his bed, throwing the covers over his legs. He thought back to dinner, about the debate Hunk and Pidge had had. Which side would he have chose? Who cares really, it doesn’t matter in the long run. He turned over to find sleep, but it didn’t come, not until the numbers on the makeshift clock were in the AMs. 

The weeks passed slowly, and Lance had never felt worse. Each time they came back from a mission it was the same. After one particularly big mission when the others were celebrating, Lance couldn’t take it anymore. He just turned and silently left the room, once again going up to his room. No one followed him, so he assumed that like usual they hadn’t even noticed him. He didn’t notice as Keith’s eyes tracked him as he quietly turned to leave.

Useless. It wasn’t a far fetched thought, the others really had no use for him. If he died… If he died now they’d just replace him right? He felt his nails dig into his palms and willed himself not to think about it, to think of anything else. So he thought of Keith. Keith, in Lance’s opinion, unarguably the best paladin. Was there anything he couldn’t do? Lance doubted it. From his annoyingly soft hair (Lance had accidentally touched it once or twice during one-on-one matches. Emphasis on 'accidentally.’) to his lean but sturdy arms, Keith was perfect. The way he scrunched his eyebrows together when he was concentrating, the way he bit his lip and sometimes even stuck his tongue out, they drove Lance wild. The reason why, Lance didn’t know yet. The small pony tail Keith pulls his hair back into, sweat glistening on the back of his neck. Making Lance want to reach out and touch it, run his fingers through the mat of hair, leaving a trail of sloppy- wait. Wait. Lance bolts upright, knocking his covers the rest of the way off the bed. What do these thoughts mean?

This is almost worse to think about, he huffs to himself, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. He urged himself to calm down, dinner was soon, and thoughts like this were even harder to hide. He took a few deep breaths and started out of his room. 

At dinner, Lance was more aware of Keith’s presence than he had ever been before. Suddenly every move Keith made had Lance’s heart racing. Try though he might, Lance just couldn’t cover up his unsettled demeanor. He didn’t know what he expected, maybe something like a concerned inquiry, but Lance was met with silence. Deciding it was nothing to contemplate for too long, Lance fiddled with the fork of space goop in his hand. He raises his head slightly, and when his eyes meet Keith’s he quickly jerked it back down, forcing a smile onto his face and some food into his mouth. He finished up speedily and was out of the door before the others could ask where he was going. 

So. So, Lance thought to himself. What now? He hated this, the never-ending circle of self-hate and jealousy. He hated himself for it, but he almost wished the others weren’t as good as they were, letting him have a chance at being important for once. He left that thought alone. Why didn’t the others care? Why hadn’t they noticed his silence. Did they like it better that way? Lance’s pupils contracted as his eyes widened at the thought of just being the annoying extra. Allura would make a fine blue paladin, wouldn’t she? He really didn’t have a place in all this, he just happened to be in the right place at the right time. Lance ran a tired hand through his hair and sighed, leaning back into his bedding. They’d be better if he just left…

Lance woke up dripping in sweat at midnight, panting with heavy breaths due to the nightmare he had just experienced. He got out of bed shaking, he had made up his mind yesterday, and he was more sure of it now than ever. Quickly pulling on his shoes, Lance grabs what he needs and silently slips through the sullen halls. He’s made it to the launch pad when he hears a creak. He whirls around, but no one is there. He starts off towards the ship he had prepared earlier in the day, a simple excuse giving him time. He reaches out to open the door of the space pod, when Keith steps into the light. Lance instinctively jumps back, hand going to his satchel, not that there is anything in there that could help him. 

“Midnight joyride?”

“I-I uh, well.” Lance doesn’t have an excuse ready this time. He had been so sure no one noticed him enough to pick up on his ploy.

“Seriously though Lance, where are you planning to go at this time of night?” 

“Why are you here?” Lance counters with his own question. Keith just sighs, then answers simply. 

“I was following you.”

“No way, I che- I checked before not to mention there’s no way you’d be up at 12am!” 

“Lance.” Keith sounds tired. “Are you gonna tell me what’s up?” Lance bristles, trying desperately to think of an excuse. Unable to think of one, he panics.

“It’d be better if I left.” He mumbles, hoping Keith wouldn’t hear it, that he’d just leave, letting Lance go.

“Wai- What? Lance? What do you mean by that?” Concern seeps into his voice, making Lance’s heart hurt. He can do nothing to stop the dam he’s built up from breaking open, the tidal waves spilling everywhere in the forms of self-depreciating words. 

“It’s just- I’m so- I’m so damn useless. I can’t do anything for the team. I’m just the annoying flirt, the comic relief. You guys are on a whole other level, too far past me to care about my stupid problems. I’m not important all I can do is pilot a lion, it be so easy to find a replacement, someone much better. But oh, I don’t want to be replaced!” Lance is sobbing now, collapsed on the floor, tears leaving salty streaks down his face. He quickly realizes his revealing rant and slaps a hand over his mouth. He gets up shakily and attempts to stalk out of the room but is stopped by Keith. The shorter boy is holding onto his arm with a vice like grip.

“Keith. Let. Me. Go.” Lance bites out each word through clenched teeth. Keith says nothing but pulls Lance into an awkward hug. Lance is shocked. He didn’t think Keith would be the type to do something like this. The realizes he isn’t. It’s a pity hug. Anger bubbles through Lance, and he forcefully pushes Keith away.

“I don’t need your pity. You guys only care when it seems to matter, hey? That’s fine. I don’t need you. I’m fine alone.” The words coming out of Lance’s mouth were lies but he couldn’t stop them tumbling out. 

“I don’t need friends who only pretend to care!” Lance yells this, hoping for it to sting, for it to hurt Keith so bad. A look of sadness flashes over Keith’s face, followed by a look of guilt, and then he’s rushing forwards. Lance steels himself for the inevitable hit that was coming. Instead, he finds warm chapped lips pressed against his own. Before he can say anything, Keith grabs his shoulders and looks him in the eyes.

“I’m sorry. I am so incredibly sorry. I should have noticed sooner. I should have told someone when I noticed. But listen to me-” Keith paused, looking into Lance’s eyes with new meaning “-you have never, ever, been useless. Sure, you can be annoying as fuck, but there isn’t anything in the world I- we would trade for having you on the team. You mean so much to us. Please know this.”

Tears form in Lance’s eyes as he strives to comprehend the actions and words directed at him. He let’s himself slump back into Keith’s hold, tucking his chin into Keith’s neck.

“You kissed me.” Lance is too deep in thought to notice it, but Keith’s entire face burns red at the words.

“You kissed back.” Lance grunted, unsatisfied with the given answer.

“Why’d you do it?”

“I didn’t- I didn’t really mean to, sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” Keith shifts his wait from one foot to the other, and Lance can feel his unease.

“But why?” He asked stressing the last word, trying to get his question across. When Keith doesn’t respond right away, Lance continues. 

“I- I’m not worth kissing. You- Shouldn’t you be kissing a cute girl?” Lance face scrunches up before adding a quiet “or boy” to the end of his sentence. 

“Lance! Were you not listening to me before?” Lance avoids his gaze.

“I just-” Lance was cut off before he could finish.

“Ugh, you idiot! I kissed you because I like you! I hate seeing you all sad, and I panicked! But you can’t get that through your head because you’re too busy moping!” Keith glares at Lance, who stands there shell-shocked with his mouth hanging open.

“I-” A sob cuts Lance short as he launches himself back into Keith’s arms, who in turn hesitates slightly before wrapping Lance up in a hug. 

“I really really like you.” Lance breathes into Keith’s ear, who shivers as the warm breath makes contact with his skin. 

“Wait- really?” Keith looks surprised and Lance lets out a breathy laugh, the first genuine one in months. 

“Hey, so I’m not allowed to question it but you are?” He pauses then continues in a softer voice. “It took me a while to realize it, but yeah dude, I really do like you.” Keith balks, then slowly smiles. 

“Me too. I really like you too.” 

“Then kiss me, idiot.”

“Your the idiot.” Keith responds, but he leans forward anyway, pulling Lance into a long awaited kiss. Lance sighs as they pull apart, gazing lovingly into Keith’s amethyst eyes. 

“Hey, you should get some sleep. It’s almost 2am you know.” 

“Uh, wait, uh. Will you come to my room with me?” 

“Wow, that’s pretty forward.” Keith says, and smirks, watching Lance’s face grow hot.

“That’s not! I meant- The most I wanted to do was kiss and cuddle.” He says the last part in a lower tone, blowing out a breath in dejection. 

“Hey, hey, I was kidding. I would love to cuddle with you.” Keith reassures, throwing Lance a wink. Lance gets ready to send a witty retort back at him, but is stopped by a light kiss on the cheek. Lance pouts, then leans down to give Keith a real kiss, full of compassion and yearning.

“Hey if you ever need to talk, I’m here. Don’t just mull it over on your own.” Lance looks at Keith filled with confusion and mild horror, because oh my god, Keith just made a joke. Keith walks a bit faster, staying ahead of Lance to hide the grin creeping onto his face. The grin is soon replaced by a satisfied smile when long sleek fingers are slipped through his own. 

“Stop smiling dumbass, you’re creeping me out.” But Lance can’t help but grin himself. He’s the happiest he’s ever been, here with Keith.

The next morning, Keith and Lance sleep in, cuddling in Keith’s bed until a panicked shout wakes them up just in time for Hunk to burst in. 

“Hey! Keith! Have you seen Lance- uh.” He stops short, taking in the sight in front of him. As if it hasn’t fazed him he crosses the room to scoop Lance into a huge hug.

“Oh my god. I didn’t know where you were! You had us all worried sick when you weren’t in your room this morning!” Lance can feel the tears prick his eyes as he wills himself not to cry again.

“Sorry.” He croaks out. 

“Hey guys! In here!” Hunk yells, alerting the others of Lance’s location. Lance and Keith are soon smothered in a blanket of hugs, washing all the doubts from Lance’s mind.


End file.
